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Copyright Centre For Effective Living © 2016
This week we have had the news that the Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie love cord has snapped. The tension of the past probably caught up and with it came a break – divorce. We do not know them personally, and yet, you may have noticed a tinge of sadness that this couple who seemed to represent a model of united human compassion and unconditional love have come to their own love end. Relationships require a certain degree of flexibility, give and take, a kind of elasticity. Here are our 5 tips for the week to keep some give and take in yours:
Paint a positive picture
When you “fall in love” everything about your partner seems to be perfect and you only see the positive aspects of their character. At some point you’ll notice the negative traits of your partner, after all they are only human, and they might annoy you. Avoid the temptation to keep a mental log of these annoyances. Negativity is a powerful lens and it takes very little for a small behaviour to be seen as an overall character flaw. Instead make a mental note of every unique and positive behaviour you note in your partner – and tell your partner. Don’t head for a Perfect picture, head for a Positive one.
Try random acts of kindness
This is one of the more fun tips, and it can be done in so many different ways. Just think of one random act of kindness a day, and surprise them with it. This could be giving him a surprise gift, cooking a surprise dinner or even telling him a simple, but unexpected ‘I love you.’ Affirmation can be a powerful key to a happy relationship. Giving compliments and thanking them for things they do are forms of affirmation as well. Letting your spouse know how much you appreciate that they cleaned the house or that you think that they’re beautiful can lift their mood greatly. How much simpler than a few nice words does it get? Need some ideas? Check out https://www.randomactsofkindness.org/kindness-ideas.
Spend quality time together; Keep it fresh
Elastic love cords requires a bank account of positive moments together. So make the time to share a little quality time every day, even just talking ten minutes before going to bed will do. And don’t forget that marriage isn’t a reason to stop dating each other. Go out on a romantic date at least once a month, and change up what you consider a romantic date. Explore a new city or simply visit a different restaurant. Growing together and exploring new activities together might carry the excitement into the relationship, input new topics of conversation and builds up memories of good times. For some ideas of what to do
Choose what you remember
Holding on to grudges and remembering the disappointing aspects of the relationship breeds contempt, and is not only tiring, but also a sure sign that your relationship is heading for rocky waters. Choose to remember the benefits in your relationship, count your blessings, and write them down, just like you would in everyday life. Before going to bed, remember one thing you are grateful for in your relationship and in your partnership.
Trust is priority number one
Maybe the most important thing in any relationship is that you can trust each other fully. Ask your partner what it is that helps them to feel like you trust them. Ask them where they are struggling to feel trusted. Make a mental note of what this is and protect this area. Be prepared to work on the trust fortress, it goes a long way in extending the benefit of the doubt and keeping those love cords elastic.