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Ph: 1800 832 588
Ph: 1800 832 588
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People often tell me in therapy that they are “not good enough, “not likeable” or “too worthless” to be in a relationship. Often these people tell me that they avoid entering relationships because they are afraid of getting hurt and continue to feel lonely and not good enough.
I also commonly hear of people saying that they are “not interesting enough” or “not attractive enough” or “too annoying” for their partner. Often these people tell me that they withdraw from their partner because they feel they are not worthy of their love and continue to feel inadequate. Or on the reverse, they tell me that that they cling to their partner because no one else could ever love them.
What we believe about ourselves or tell ourselves can have powerful impacts on how we relate to other people and our expectations in relationships. Statements such as “I’m not good enough” or “nobody will ever love me” are examples of what we call “core beliefs”. Core beliefs develop through our life experiences and refer to our thoughts and opinions about ourselves, other people and the world we live in.
Often core beliefs can be self-perpetuating. By this, I mean that core beliefs can cause people to behave in a way that gives them further evidence to confirm the belief. For example, if someone tells themselves that they will never find anybody to love them, they will likely avoid seeking or taking opportunities and in doing so confirm their belief to be true.
All our psychologists at the Centre for Effective Living are aware of the power of what we believe about ourselves. We are also aware of how hard it may seem to change these beliefs. The therapeutic process can have powerful effects on not only teaching you skills to change how you see yourselves, but on changing the beliefs themselves.
In the mean time, here are some questions to ask yourself after identifying your core belief: