Restrictions are set to ease. With it, the hope of weekends with friends, of camping, of being with others, of diving under a wave, of picnics, of weekend brunches, of holding onto normality and never letting go. A pinch of normality seems just around the corner.
Yet for many of us, even these pleasurable and long anticipated activities will require re-adjustment, something that is often difficult for our mental health. We’ve become accustomed to living without them. For many others, the loosening of restrictions brings with it worry or at least uncertainty, especially for those with pre-existing ailments, anxiety or medical vulnerabilities.
Two Ways To Do Conflicts Well: Acknowledging the Existence of Multiple Subjective Realities and The Practice of Assuming Similarity
One of the ways I’ve been passing the time during this lockdown is by listening to podcasts. I recently heard of a podcast with an interesting premise that has stuck with me. It is a podcast that invites two expert guests to speak about their opposing views on a big social issue. The twist is that before a person starts to argue their own perspective, they must first present the most generous, charitable version of their opponent’s argument. In this conversation, understanding and perspective-taking precedes persuasion. I think this premise could also be a game changer for handling conflicts in our relationships.
To help, we’ve put together a ‘Done List’, which, as it sounds, changes our focus from what still needs to be done, from what is hanging over our heads on our never-ending ‘To-Do List’, and instead centres our perspective on what we’ve already achieved, however small. In doing so, we can more readily remember the highlights, achievements and nice moments of our day or week, and feel motivated to add more to our list of accomplishments. Particularly in lockdown, productivity is not the key to wellbeing, but only one aspect. Take some time celebrating the opportunities you’ve made to connect with friends, enjoyed a walk or bike ride, or when you’ve met work goals or household chores.
We’ve made a template to help guide you, but it’s as simple as keeping a list (on your phone or on paper) of what you’ve achieved; eight hours of sleep, eating breakfast, getting news updates… and breaking down larger tasks into the small steps you took to achieve them; clarified with boss the vision for project, attended management meeting, wrote 1000 words on financial report. Why not give it a try this week?
click the link to get your free resource: https://bit.ly/3tHBdV7
The current pandemic we are in has reminded me that as humans we really don’t like ambiguity and uncertainty – we like to have answers to our questions; solutions to our problems; explanations to situations. Many of us find it distressing when faced with the unknown. In psychology, the term for this is ‘Cognitive Closure’, which describes humans’ desire to eliminate ambiguity and arrive at definite conclusions.
“Hands up if you live a busy life?” I think if I asked this question in any group of audience nowadays, the proportion of people who raise their hands is likely to be close to 100%. It is a fact that most of us live a busy life. We have come a long way from the simpler lifestyle that our grandparents might have lived. Living in a world that is dominated by the power of the internet, qualitative changes have taken place in the way we live. We are expected to be connected with our work 24/7, we are constantly reminded of what others expect of us in the way we look, the way our house looks, the type of parents we are, the level of achievements our kids have, and so on. And while being connected with our family and friends on social media is nice and convenient, we are also inevitably impacted by comparisons with images that others choose to present themselves with.
“What is your ‘COVID hobby’?”, “Have you tried anything new recently?”, “How are you spending lockdown?”. These are questions that I have often heard in conversation with family and friends over the past few weeks. With changes to routine and lifestyle over the past few weeks, many have turned to trying new activities or finding creative ways to spend their time. For myself, ‘paint-by-numbers' has been the new activity that I have tried during lockdown. It has occupied numerous hours over the past few weeks and I have found it helpful for relaxation.
Grief is the complex emotional experience after losing someone or something that was loved and valued. The grieving process can be painful and can affect people from all ages and walks of life in individualised ways.
While the lockdown has had a profound effect upon each of us as we manage the best we can to adapt our lives around others and somehow also take care of our wellbeing, this collision of work and home life has had a particular impact upon women, who are currently experiencing an escalation in their overall responsibilities and unpaid work.
Sometimes it’s not the things that are said that hurt our relationships the most, but rather the silence. It can be difficult to articulate our hurt or needs to friends, family, and spouses. We shy away from communicating because we’re scared of what honesty might do to the relationship. That it’ll be easier just to hold it in until we get over it. That we’re making too big of a deal of how we feel. Or, that they simply won’t understand. But how often does this help us?
We’ve put together a short checklist to help simplify your decision-making and reduce distress. Click the link below to receive this checklist straight into your inbox - screenshot it, print it out, stick it on your wall - wherever works for you as a reminder!
Have you ever thought about why you worry? Most of us believe that worry is helping us somehow, even if we would like to worry less. We start to believe that hypothetical outcomes are real and that by doing mental heavy-lifting, we can protect ourselves. Worry has been described as an elaboration of negative future potential outcomes as well as a mental attempt at problem solving.
“Why are they walking so slowly?!!” “Get out of the way!” “How long does it take to make a latte?!”
We find slowness tough to tolerate in most contexts: slow drivers, slow service at a restaurant, slow internet, slow responses to an important text or email. Yet back In 2006, the average online shopper was happy to wait 4 seconds for a website to load (Akamai Technologies and Jupiter Research, 2006). Now, we’re frustrated if it isn’t instantaneous.”
One of the most difficult tasks in the world—if not the hardest—is being a mother. A mother's love is one of the most natural and most unconditional forms of love. It is without a doubt that mothers tend to think of their family first before themselves. Yet, all mothers are human, too, and need to look after themselves as well. Some may think that the top priority is the nurturing for their family, which is not wrong, but mothers also need time for themselves.
The Australian Institute of Health and Welfare report on Australia’s Children (2020) indicated that in 2013-2014 almost 14% of 4-11-year-olds experienced mental illness, and in 2015 7.4% of 0-14-year-olds had some level of disability.
It is no surprise then that many enquiries are made for children with Autism, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Anxiety. These children face additional challenges as they develop and grow, which often impacts their wellbeing. Understandably causing concern for caregivers.
Everyone needs some form of support, but teenagers are one of the demographics that need it the most. Teenagers need both support and knowledge as they learn to engage with the world, and parents are a vital source of information for teens for areas they are not familiar with.
Here at the Centre for Effective Living, we have put together some recommended online resources that are perfect for parents to engage with to feel better equipped to support their teen. What is more, these sites can spark opportunities to share and discuss valuable information, as teens live their lives in both the real world and the virtual world.
For those who experience persistent, disabling or overwhelming anxiety it is normal to wonder if it will ever fully go away. However, while there are excellent, evidence-based treatments available to help manage anxiety, it wouldn’t be right to say that we could absolutely ‘cure’ it.
Fat talk – negative words we say to put down our own bodies – is sadly an all too common conversation topic today. An overwhelming number of both men and women report regularly engaging in fat talk with their friends and family. Once you start noticing it, you will hear it everywhere - women in the bathroom or a dressing room trying on clothes, men at the gym wanting to gain more muscle, high schoolers scrolling through heavily filtered, staged and Photoshopped pictures on Instagram, and on TV, on the radio or in magazines.
Uncertainty is a feeling that makes many people uncomfortable and that many people struggle to tolerate. People who struggle with tolerating uncertainty often perceive uncertainty, unpredictability and doubt as awful and unbearable experiences. They often describe feeling like they cannot cope with not knowing.
Uncertainty can lead to worrying, as one tries to reduce the uncertainty through attempts to plan and prepare for possible negative events. Unfortunately, this rarely leads to feeling better or feeling more control. Rather it can lead to more worrying, along with heightened anxiety and stress.
Often our default is to think about making our lives easier now, to the detriment of our future selves. We find what is convenient now, and leave our future self to get things done. In the moment, putting off exercise, difficult work tasks, and household chores can feel really good!
But later that day or week, our future self is left to pick up the pieces and is usually pretty unhappy about it. So why is it so hard to learn from this?
Many enquiries are often made to support children with Autism and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Indeed, these neurodiverse children can display some challenging behaviour and experience difficulties with their wellbeing. However, other common presentations, such as Anxiety, may go unnoticed.
No one lives a life without some level of stress, conflict, or difficulty. The same is true for psychologists – and fortunately, the very techniques and skills that form the body of evidence-based practices that we use with our clients – also work for us!
When asked about how the psychologists on our team manage stress and difficult situations – these were some of the tips and strategies we identified as most helpful (you might recognise a few!)
For many of us, the first time we reflect on needs is when we become parents, grappling with what our children require from us to thrive in the world. Others reach their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s or 50’s without realising that they have actually have underlying needs, or that effectively meeting them will lead to psychological health. The idea that needs are neither mysterious, enigmatic or abstract but rather universal is certainly not mainstream knowledge.
Most people would agree that they feel better after getting a good night’s sleep and not so good when they haven’t slept well. However, many would also agree that in today’s fast-paced world sleep seems to be one thing that can be expendable. If we are going to prioritise sleep above the many other things that are fighting for our time and attention it is important to understand what exactly sleep does for us.
Sleep can be as frustrating as it is necessary. We go to bed early and then lay awake for hours. We roll from one side to another. We put on some headphones and listen to a podcast. We try falling asleep to a tv show...nothing seems to help.
We can’t always think away the worries that keep us awake, or the nagging sensation that we’ll never get to sleep. But there are some tools we can use to rediscover better sleep.
Experiencing shame can be very uncomfortable and unpleasant. Shame is that feeling that comes up when we feel unworthy, not good enough or inadequate. Shame is that feeling that tells us we are bad or wrong or silly.
Experiencing shame can impact on relationships and work. It can make it difficult to connect with people and achieve goals. Not only that, unresolved shame can lead to other feelings- depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. Experiencing shame can be deeply damaging.
Have you ever heard someone say “That’s so OCD” when someone is cleaning or arranging things carefully? Although OCD has become a common term used to refer to being neat or precise in a quirky way, this can unfortunately minimize the fact that OCD is a real mental illness that can be debilitating to live with. OCD is often misunderstood, so here are some facts to understand what OCD actually is, and then an exercise that might help you step into the shoes of someone with OCD.
Finally, 2020 is over and 2021 is here! I notice in myself and in conversation with family and friends a sense of hope about what this year could bring. That it could be different to 2020.
Last year was full of change, uncertainty, and stress; so, I have spent some time over the past few weeks reflecting. I asked myself a number of questions. How was this year for me? What went well? What was hard? Is there anything I want for this year without falling into the New Year’s resolutions/goals trap? Yes, even though I am a Psychologist, I find change hard too.